Anniversary Dates

My hubby and I had a long pre-dating period.  We had both dated people that were about as far from being "the one" as possible.  I was probably more reluctant than he was to get into a relationship.  We were in that phase for about a year, so we both assumed that we were stuck in the "friend zone."  He wanted a relationship, but I was still hesitant.

I was probably a little selfish and afraid.  My future hubby was more eager to get into a relationship.  I was happy having a cute friend to go out with and talk all night with.  Plus, by not being in a relationship, I wouldn't get dumped or hurt.  My previous relationships, needless to say, did not go well.

My BFF at the time, J, was also single.  We had both gotten out of long-term/serious relationships.  Well, hers was serious, my previous relationship was just long and painful.  Neither of us had ever had a decent Valentine's Day, so we had an unspoken pact to remain single on that day, and just spoil ourselves and each other.  We were both way better Valentines than our exes.  I bought my first lingerie for myself that year and learned to spoil and take care of myself for once.  I was pretty much a door mat to my exes, and spent more time trying to please them than taking care of myself.

However, my future hubby thought I was using this an excuse not to date him.  On February 9th of that year, he told me how he really felt about me and asked me to be his girlfriend and Valentine.  It was really sweet and I had felt the same way for a long time.  I had been hoping to avoid the "relationship talk" until after Valentine's Day.  J was a little mad at me for having a boyfriend, too.

Since we started officially dating on February 9th, the next day, I proposed to skip Valentine's Day.  I know, I'm so romantic.  I just thought it was too much pressure on a new relationship.  He went all out, and it was a great Valentine's Day, and the greatest one of my life up until then.

We got married a little over a year later, in March.  By the end of September that first year, he had started to ask about my dad's work schedule.  The time he got off from work, and his days off.  My parents and I were not close in my teen years, and I moved out the day after I graduated.  I had been supporting myself financially since I was 17 years old.  My parents divorced when I was 19, which brought my dad and I closer.

I spoiled my future hubby's plans to ask my dad's permission to marry me.  I told him that if he needed to ask anyone's permission to marry me, it was mine and mine alone.  And, if he did ask my dad's permission, he wouldn't have mine.  It's a nice concept, but to me, it was a little offensive.

I think I changed his mind, or at least deterred him a little.  He renewed his hinting about marriage in October.  That year would be our first Christmas as a couple (and would be our last as just us, as we would discover a little later).  We decided to wait until after Christmas to discuss marriage again.  We also met the extended families that Christmas season.  I admit I was wanting to know a little bit more of what I was getting into.

Into that new year, we talked more and more about getting married.  Somehow, we had both decided that we were for sure getting married.  My independence and stubbornness cheated myself out of a real proposal.  I suggested getting married on February 9th, the anniversary of our first kiss.  We had no idea what we were doing, so my mother-in-law thankfully stepped in to help us plan it.  She proposed March 26th, as that would be more time to plan it, plus there were relatives that were already planning on being in town that weekend.  That worked for us, plus it was an extra month of planning.

Our wedding was nice, though different than the one I had thought that I'd have.  I had always pictured a casual, outdoor wedding in late summer and wearing a pretty floral dress.  Instead, we had an indoor church wedding, with the traditional dress and veil, and all.  About 2 weeks before Christmas, we found out we were pregnant.

It really was a beautiful ceremony, though.  My dad, due to my previously mentioned stubbornness and independence, was taking bets that I'd get cold feet.  I had forgotten my shoes before the ceremony and had to drive back to get them, and he thought for sure that it was just an excuse.  I was 23 when I got married, which he thought was a little old.  Like I said, I had issues with my parents.

For years, my hubby and I celebrated both anniversaries, February 9th and March 26th.  Now, we pretty much celebrate just our wedding anniversary as "our anniversary."

Seeing the World as Both a Mom and a Daughter

My 4-year-old daughter has been extra strong-willed and defiant lately.  I know that it is normal for kids to test their limits (and their parents patience), but it is how strong-willed she is that gets to me the most.  Thinking about my spats with my daughter makes me think back to my own testing of wills with my mother.  My relationship with my mom is still not the best and not exactly what I desire, but at least we have some sort of understanding.

When I was in first grade and my sister, K, was in Kindergarten, my mom decided that my sister would look good with a perm in her hair.  This was also in the '80s, and my mom permed her hair for way longer than was popular.  She had just a little perm solution left and didn't want to waste it, so she wanted to use it to just perm my bangs.  I did not want any part of my hair permed, let alone just my bangs.  We got into a big argument (as was pretty common).  I told her that I liked my hair and didn't want it permed.  She just didn't want to waste the perm solution.  She won, as she was a lot bigger than me and, even though I was stubborn, I was pretty obedient.  I had to deal with just curly bangs, which I thought looked stupid.  My sister had to deal with a full head of home permed hair, which wasn't much of an improvement over my hair.

My sister, D, had a security baby doll for years that she was pretty rough with.  She used to drag it around by the hair, so her hair eventually was stuck in kind of a faux hawk.  One day, while we were at school, my mom decided that she didn't like to look at the doll in our room and threw it away.  Granted, when my kids break a toy, I throw it away, but other than having a permanent bad hair day, the doll was not broken, and D was very attached to it.

I believe that my mom saw my sisters and I as an extension of herself, and not our own selves with our own opinions and all.  She liked certain styles, therefore, we had to, also.  She didn't like other things, so therefore, we couldn't, either.

My favorite color is pink, and my daughter, K's, favorite color is bright purple.  In a way, these colors sum us up.  I really like light pink.  It's subtle, yet pretty.  My daughter is bold and vibrant.  I try to consider what she would like when purchasing her clothes or anything else.  I even correct my relatives when they are considering buying her anything.  I know that she'd appreciate any new gift, but probably more so if it were also her favorite color.  I actually resisted pink for a long time, and my favorite color was blue, though that may have been to spite my mom and resist wearing the pink that my mom forced on me.  She believes that all girls should like pink.  I believe that she would say that it is her favorite color, though I don't really think it is.

My hubby and I are redoing our kids' rooms, which is probably why my mom is on my mind more lately.  My mom would redecorate the bedroom that my sisters and I shared whenever the mood struck her.  She would see an idea in a magazine or in a movie and would redo our room without consulting us.  Our room was redecorated a few times and I don't think any of us liked it, and I'm sure I told her so.  I don't remember saying anything, but I wouldn't have put it past my younger self.  I distinctly remember having bear and clown wall paper and then later it was painted mustard yellow.

I still don't like clowns or that shade of yellow.  Had she consulted my sisters and I, we would have expressed our distaste before anything was done, instead of after she had put in all of the work to surprise us.  It was a very vicious cycle with my mom.  She'd like an idea and force it on us as hard as she could, and my sisters and I would tell her we didn't like it.  She'd then play the martyr because she'd worked all day on redoing our room, just for us to tell her that we hated it.  I can now partially see her side, as repainting a bedroom by yourself isn't easy.  However, is it really a gift when someone sneaks into your room and paints it in ugly colors?

I did ballet when I was younger.  I had always pictured my daughter doing ballet, just as I had.  K did ballet last year.  She enjoyed dressing up in the frilly outfit.  Other than that, I suspect that she hated it.  She said she enjoyed it, but she didn't like doing the precise movements and paying so much attention.  There was just too much little and graceful movement for my bold and active daughter.  My mom would have forced my sisters and I to continue.  I found a gymnastics class for her to join, instead, and she loves it!  There is much more running around and more movement.  It is such a better fit for her, which makes me happy.

My hubby and I are including our kids in our redecorating brainstorming.  Granted, we are working within a budget, so some of their ideas are a little more than we can afford (or just don't exist), like the (real) dragon my son wants or castle my daughter wants to live in.

Looking back on my strained relationship with my mom, I can see both sides of the arguments, as I have come to understand my mom (though I still don't usually agree).  All I can do is try to understand that, although my daughter is not just an extension of me, she definitely inherited my stubbornness, as I did from my mom.

Thanks for reading!

 - Vanessa

Book Sale at the Library

Today was the big semi-annual book sale today at the Lacey Timberland Regional Library.  I bought 4 children's reference books for 50 cents!  It would be nice if they could use them for school or something else in the future, but it's also good to just have books around for the sake of learning.

Thanks for reading!

Vanessa

Getting my Closet Organized

Here is my closet before I cleaned it:

When I met my husband, I was a size 8/10.  Let's just say that I'm not that size at the moment.  We've been together for nearly 8 years and have 2 kids. My mother-in-law has lost a lot of weight over the last 3 years and has given me the clothes that have gotten too small for her.  She has a good job and can afford to shop at nicer places, instead of Walmart, which is all I can afford.  She is also nearly 6 inches shorter than I.  Even if I lose the weight and get down to my goal weight, I am still tall enough that I really do need longer clothing to fit me the way that I like.  I decided to get rid of most of these clothes, as most of them didn't fit me the way that I like.

I sorted out the clothes by size and have been trying to sell them for really cheap on Craigslist to make some extra money.  I haven't had any luck yet, as everyone that has contacted me has flaked out.  I will try again for another week, and then I will donate them to a clothing bank.  If I can't sell them, I'd rather they go to someone in need for free.  I support Goodwill and go there myself, but I really have been fortunate enough to get help over the years and prefer to donate items that will be given away for free.

Here is my closet now.  I have kept a couple of boxes.  As I (hopefully) lose weight, I will be able to sort out more of the clothes.

Boy Scouts to Consider Ending a Ban

First of all, please excuse the political-ish nature of this post.  Also, this is my opinion, and everyone is entitled to one, but please be respectful.

I read this article (http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/boy-scouts-end-ban-gays-193808487.html), and it made me very happy to read this!  Boy Scouts are considering letting local units decide their own policies regarding gay boy scouts.

This makes me extremely happy!  My son is a Tiger Cub Scout, which is the first level for Cub Scouts.  My son tries hard and has earned a couple of awards so far.  We recently toured a local police station and it really piqued his interest to learn more about the Explorers program and eventually become a Policeman/Fireman, if becoming a dragon doesn't work out.  Hey, I said he is 6.

Right now, it's too early to tell what his sexual preference will become.  Frankly, I don't want to think about that yet, or really, at all.  Right now, I'm just concerned with him learning to do well in school and his other activities, including Scouting.

It has made me very sad and angry to recently read about boys, like my son, who have been working hard since they were 6-years-old at Scouting, just to be eventually denied awards and membership to Boy Scouts.  I really feel for these boys and their parents.  This could be my son in 12 years, and it makes me cry.  Deciding/realizing your sexual preference (whatever your view is on homosexuality) has nothing to do with how hard these kids, like my own, have worked for these accomplishments. Did these kids know at 6-years-old that they were gay?  Most importantly, did it effect the way that they accomplished their goals and advanced in rank year after year?

Ending this policy, also coincides with their recruitment motto of Every Boy Deserves a Chance.  Frankly, with their current discrimination policy in place, only straight boys deserve a chance.

I really hope that this policy is ended, or at least is left up to each local pack unit.  That way, every boy and family will find a local unit where they will feel safe and comfortable to be a part of.

Thanks for reading this rant!

 - Vanessa

Teaching my Kids to Pray

My kids are  4 1/2- and 6 1/2-years old.  We don't really attend church due to mostly a couple of issues.  I am very open-minded, as is my husband.  We don't want our kids to be closed-minded, so it makes us a little hesitant to attend a single church.

My hubby's mom was raised very strict Greek Orthodox, though she doesn't consider herself any particular religion now.  My hubby's father's ancestry is Indonesian and Dutch, so he comes from an ancestry of many religions.  My family's ancestry is mostly Native American and Irish.  I also kinda feel that by choosing one religion, we would be rejecting part of our heritage.

My parents attended church very irregularly and I never got along very well with the other kids in Sunday School.  The churches that my parents attended were so "political" and cliquey.  The kids whose parents donated the most money or who held leadership positions within the church were treated better than the others.  These were also the kids in school who behaved the worst, so I just didn't buy into the church politics and still don't.

I admit that I have values that don't coincide with most religious values.  I have many friends that have alternative lifestyles, but to each their own.  I don't want to judge others and don't want my kids to.  My kids are growing up in the area where I grew up.  This was already a diverse area when I was a kid, and is more diverse than it was back then.  Especially living here, I want my kids to value diversity and equality.  Being closed-minded will not help them.

Despite my lack of formal religious background, I seem to have been born with a good head on my shoulders.  I have always tried to do the right thing and not to lie.  My kids, however, seem to need some guidance with doing the right thing.

I feel so flawed and lacking in my own religious background that I have hesitated to step into the role of teaching my kids about religion.  I don't know any of the official prayers.  I have found praying makes me feel better, but it has been something I do alone.  Like I said, I have issues with organized religion.  I typically  read my kids a bedtime story, then they tell me each a story.  I have begun to incorporate a small prayer at the end with my kids.  I pray with them and say a small prayer, usually just asking for guidance, health, and protection for our family and loved ones and ask them if they have anything to add and they repeat "amen" after me.

Like all issues in parenting, all I can do is to hope that I'm doing the right thing and guiding them in the right direction.

Thanks for reading!

Vanessa

Pinewood Derby

This weekend was my son's pack's Pinewood Derby!  All of the boys worked really hard on their cars.  My hubby and my son made his car together.  We didn't have a scale that would be small enough to just measure ounces, so it was originally way underweight at the weigh-in.  My hubby had put the plastic domes on the car to make it look like a cockpit.  I filled the domes with change, and got it up to the correct weight.  At the final weigh-in, my son was asked the car's name.  We hadn't considered the name before, so my son came up with "Mr. C" on the spot.  I can only assume that the "C" stands for "car," maybe?  He had a great time and we have lots of ideas already for next year's car.  This was also a great chance for my husband to be more involved with my son and his scouting.  He works afternoons and evenings, so I typically take him to all of his activities.