Legitimate Reasons to "Un-friend" Someone (In Real Life and Online)

I am the type that takes relationships very seriously, including friendships.  I don't throw the word "friend" around lightly.  For me, friendship is a two-way street.  I am loyal and give people many chances, but once the trust is gone, it is not easily gained back.

I have several close acquaintances that I enjoy being around.  But, I really don't think I have any friends.  My kids and I are very active in our community.  I serve on several committees (Cub Scouts, Policy Council, etc.), am a Girl Scout Leader, and my kids are in many sports.  I have very good acquaintanceships in many of those.  I talk to the other parents about the kids' activities, school, etc.  But, would I call them out of the blue to hang out or vice versa?  Probably not.  I have tried setting up play dates, which people generally seem interested in at first, then either don't get back to me or flake out at the last minute.  That's fine, if that's who you are, but I'm not willing to invest too much time or energy  into this type of relationship.

1) Stealing.

When my hubby and I were on our honeymoon, we had his "best friend" houses-sit for us.  He was told that he was not to have extra people over.  His girlfriend at the time invited several people over.  They stole some of our wedding gifts and left used condoms in weird places.  He still considers him a very good friend.  I have less-than-nice thoughts about him.  If he were to apologize and reimburse us for the theft, I could have forgave him.  This was the beginning of the end of my friendship with this couple.

2) Interactions are no longer positive.

After seeing this person, you feel bad, instead of happy.  Or, the thought of upcoming plans fills you with dread.

3) They are not good for your spiritual health.

Maybe you are envious or jealous of this person or their life.  (One of the the 10 Commandments)  Or, every time you see that person, you want to deck them.  (Not one of the 10 Commandments, but still...)  Wishing ill will on them is probably not the best path to Heaven, either.  So, the less they are in my life, the better.

4) They are not good for your mental health.

My mom used to dread getting Christmas newsletters from one of her childhood best friends.  My parents always struggled with money, so getting this newsletter of her friend that was doing so much better always made her bitter for weeks.  Her jealousy of her friend's "perfect life" caused issues in my parents' marriage.

When I first learned of this rental going into foreclosure, I "un-friended" this couple about a week later.  I didn't want them to get offended by something someone said to me on Facebook.  (Yes, I was very worried about protecting their feelings at first)  I also couldn't express myself for this same reason.  Lastly, once the anger set in, I did not want to have to see their vacation pictures.  Vacations that I paid for.

5) No reciprocation.

As I said, I have several good acquaintanceships.  Mostly, these are based on proximity.  I have one former co-worker that was like a sister to me when we worked together.  When we no longer worked together, she stopped returning calls and other flaky behavior.  When she needs something, we are close again until she no longer is in need of something.  She has many good qualities, but reciprocating friendship is not one of them.

6) Flirting with your significant other/overprotective of their significant other.

Luckily, I have not had to deal with the first half of this since high school.  I was the only girl in my group of friends to date regularly.  I had friends that would "innocently" flirt with my boyfriends.  I also had girls that were nice to me to get closer to my high school sweetheart.

7) Putting down your significant other.

One of my high school BFFs constantly put down my boyfriends.  Granted, my taste in men left a lot to be desired, but still, she should have waited to bash them after the relationship was over.  My boyfriend right after high school, she would constantly call him my "insignificant other" to his face.  I later learned he was a cheater and other not nice things, but she should have addressed any concerns privately instead of antagonizing him.

8) Lying.

I am a very honest person, but I admit that I should learn how to do better with "white lies" to protect someone's feelings.  I don't enjoy being lied to, so I do not want to be around people that lie to me.

9) You don't condone their behavior.

My husband' best friend pretty much exclusively dates very large, very needy women.  He takes advantage of them and cheats on them.  I have told my husband that it worries me a little that he hangs out with him.  His last live-in girl friend and I became very close.  He wasn't happy that I took her side over his.

10) Gossiping.

When I made the decision to "un-friend" my "landlords," I also had to "un-friend" many mutual friends, both in real life and on Facebook.  I know that our mutual friends will repeat anything said or flat out make up things about us.
11) They are just plain toxic.

No matter your history with this person, who needs this in your life?  Even if only temporary, a break from such a relationship is necessary.

Like I said, I take friendships seriously and do not lightly end them.  But, there is no reason to continue being hurt/taken advantage of.

 ~ Vanessa