Legitimate Reasons to "Un-friend" Someone (In Real Life and Online)

I am the type that takes relationships very seriously, including friendships.  I don't throw the word "friend" around lightly.  For me, friendship is a two-way street.  I am loyal and give people many chances, but once the trust is gone, it is not easily gained back.

I have several close acquaintances that I enjoy being around.  But, I really don't think I have any friends.  My kids and I are very active in our community.  I serve on several committees (Cub Scouts, Policy Council, etc.), am a Girl Scout Leader, and my kids are in many sports.  I have very good acquaintanceships in many of those.  I talk to the other parents about the kids' activities, school, etc.  But, would I call them out of the blue to hang out or vice versa?  Probably not.  I have tried setting up play dates, which people generally seem interested in at first, then either don't get back to me or flake out at the last minute.  That's fine, if that's who you are, but I'm not willing to invest too much time or energy  into this type of relationship.

1) Stealing.

When my hubby and I were on our honeymoon, we had his "best friend" houses-sit for us.  He was told that he was not to have extra people over.  His girlfriend at the time invited several people over.  They stole some of our wedding gifts and left used condoms in weird places.  He still considers him a very good friend.  I have less-than-nice thoughts about him.  If he were to apologize and reimburse us for the theft, I could have forgave him.  This was the beginning of the end of my friendship with this couple.

2) Interactions are no longer positive.

After seeing this person, you feel bad, instead of happy.  Or, the thought of upcoming plans fills you with dread.

3) They are not good for your spiritual health.

Maybe you are envious or jealous of this person or their life.  (One of the the 10 Commandments)  Or, every time you see that person, you want to deck them.  (Not one of the 10 Commandments, but still...)  Wishing ill will on them is probably not the best path to Heaven, either.  So, the less they are in my life, the better.

4) They are not good for your mental health.

My mom used to dread getting Christmas newsletters from one of her childhood best friends.  My parents always struggled with money, so getting this newsletter of her friend that was doing so much better always made her bitter for weeks.  Her jealousy of her friend's "perfect life" caused issues in my parents' marriage.

When I first learned of this rental going into foreclosure, I "un-friended" this couple about a week later.  I didn't want them to get offended by something someone said to me on Facebook.  (Yes, I was very worried about protecting their feelings at first)  I also couldn't express myself for this same reason.  Lastly, once the anger set in, I did not want to have to see their vacation pictures.  Vacations that I paid for.

5) No reciprocation.

As I said, I have several good acquaintanceships.  Mostly, these are based on proximity.  I have one former co-worker that was like a sister to me when we worked together.  When we no longer worked together, she stopped returning calls and other flaky behavior.  When she needs something, we are close again until she no longer is in need of something.  She has many good qualities, but reciprocating friendship is not one of them.

6) Flirting with your significant other/overprotective of their significant other.

Luckily, I have not had to deal with the first half of this since high school.  I was the only girl in my group of friends to date regularly.  I had friends that would "innocently" flirt with my boyfriends.  I also had girls that were nice to me to get closer to my high school sweetheart.

7) Putting down your significant other.

One of my high school BFFs constantly put down my boyfriends.  Granted, my taste in men left a lot to be desired, but still, she should have waited to bash them after the relationship was over.  My boyfriend right after high school, she would constantly call him my "insignificant other" to his face.  I later learned he was a cheater and other not nice things, but she should have addressed any concerns privately instead of antagonizing him.

8) Lying.

I am a very honest person, but I admit that I should learn how to do better with "white lies" to protect someone's feelings.  I don't enjoy being lied to, so I do not want to be around people that lie to me.

9) You don't condone their behavior.

My husband' best friend pretty much exclusively dates very large, very needy women.  He takes advantage of them and cheats on them.  I have told my husband that it worries me a little that he hangs out with him.  His last live-in girl friend and I became very close.  He wasn't happy that I took her side over his.

10) Gossiping.

When I made the decision to "un-friend" my "landlords," I also had to "un-friend" many mutual friends, both in real life and on Facebook.  I know that our mutual friends will repeat anything said or flat out make up things about us.
11) They are just plain toxic.

No matter your history with this person, who needs this in your life?  Even if only temporary, a break from such a relationship is necessary.

Like I said, I take friendships seriously and do not lightly end them.  But, there is no reason to continue being hurt/taken advantage of.

 ~ Vanessa

Sorry

Sorry I haven't posted anything in the past couple of months.  Life has been a roller coaster lately.

My family and I moved a couple of months ago and it's been a sea of drama and uncertainty ever since.  Our friend, D, remarried 4 months ago.  They had been officially together since his separation from his first wife a year ago.  It turns out that she played a role in their marriage ending.

Any way, our "friend" has a rental home that he and his first wife bought and lived in briefly.  He had issues with previous tenants and wanted to get more reliable tenants, so he contacted my husband.  It turns out that he first contacted another couple, C and F, about purchasing the home.  They had a handshake deal, but then offered it to us.  This friend decided to call me out on it one day.  I said that was between him and the homeowner, as we knew nothing about it.

So, from the beginning, their was lying and stabbing people in the back.  I knew it was a bad deal from the day before we moved in.  She one day decided to lecture me on what it means to be a tenant and implied that I've never rented.  Umm, I'm 31 years old and have been renting since I was 18.  I nicely told her this and she threw it in my face that the mortgage is $1100 and we'll only be paying $750 and implied that I use people.  I barely knew this chick!  I told her never mind and tried to excuse myself to call my previous landlord before he rented our previous home of 5 years.  She kind of apologized and I told her that if she ever mentioned it again, we'd move there.

It was supposed to benefit D and my family.  He'd get rental income and we'd be in a better neighborhood, which is important to me as a mother.  As I said, we were in our previous home for 5 years.  It wasn't world's nicest house or neighborhood, but it was all my kids can remember.  We also had to uproot the kids from the only school they had ever known.

The landlords constantly came over unannounced when they weren't on vacation.  We were never really that kind of friends, so it was weird.  On one of their vacations, I watched their kids for free.  They were supposed to pay me and provide food, but didn't.  When they came home, they bought lots of crap from a yard sale and were trying to show us what they bought.

I found especially tacky, since when they were on this vacation, the garbage service had been shut off.  This was supposed to be one of D's landlord responsibilities.  We didn't have garbage service for 2 out of the 3 months that we've lived here.  D had his wife come over once a week to collect the garbage.  She would call and text constantly to complain.  She also didn't like that we refused to keep the garbage in the house.  I really should have turned them in for failing to live up to their landlord duties, but I was trying to preserve our friendship with D.

Despite not having garbage service for almost the whole summer, they somehow had the money to go on vacations all summer.

Evidently, our rent money was their vacation fund.  Oh yeah, and D is a Longshoreman.  He makes $60,000 per year or so.  For a living, she defrauds the government and gets paid by the state to babysit kids that she's not really babysitting.  She gets $2,000 per month to not work!  And yet, they basically stole our money so they could live the high life all summer.

Even before this, we had decided that when we get our tax refund, we were going to move.  The final straw was when she showed up with the couple that they were supposed to sell the house to.  My hubby was at work, so there was no car here.  Since they saw there was no car here, they started walking around the back of the property.  I was scared and ready to call the police.  I really thought it was a home invasion or something.  They got out of a truck I'd never seen before and ran to the backyard.  I was peeking out the window and writing down the license plate when they saw me.  I was relieved, but weirded out that it was our landlord prowling around.

When they knew they were caught, she came up with some weird excuses.

Excuse #1 - They came over to get garbage, but it just started raining.
Fact - It had been raining all day and I told her this.

Excuse #2 - They came over to tell me it's raining.
??? I didn't even know how to respond to that one.

Excuse #3 - She wanted to introduce me to her friends.
Fact - I have known this couple for 10 years.  Much longer than I've known her.  Even they looked dumbfounded.

They hinted that it was cold and wanted to come in.  I said that my hubby was not home and the kids were taking naps, so I wouldn't let anyone in.

I seriously think that this chick is either mentally disturbed or on drugs.  That incident made no sense and I haven't slept well since.

It sucks that they have put us through all this useless drama all summer and basically stole our money.  I'll be glad to put these people behind us.  I'm just heartbroken for my kids, though.  There are some nice kids in this neighborhood that the kids have befriended.  My son was taught how to play Pokemon this summer and in exchange, he taught that kid how to play Magic the Gathering.  The kids also go to a great school right now!  My son told his teacher that we'll be moving and she emailed me, hoping it wasn't true.

We will probably end up back in the neighborhood where we were.  At least the kids will go back to their old school with all their old friends.

This is the second time that we've had to move due a landlord going into foreclosure!   I just don't get why things like this happen to my family.  My husband works hard.  I am a SAHM/college student.  I'm also very involved in my community.  I am on Head Start's Policy Council, a Committee Member of Cub Scouts, and a Girl Scout leader.  Last weekend, myself and another family from Girl Scouts dug up potatoes to donate to the food bank.  This is the type of stuff that we do for fun.  We are good people, so I just don't understand why we always manage to find so much trouble.

Thanks for letting me rant,

 - Vanessa